Escaping a hurtful cycle

Children are our greatest joy. As parents, we do everything we can to raise them to become secure and successful adults. In our efforts to set clear boundaries, the use of physical or mental force may at times feel like the only means to resort to – without us fully realizing how harmful and frightening this is to the children, and that it is actually illegal in Norway.

The use of force can become a repeating pattern in a child’s upbringing. But there is a way to escape this hurtful cycle.

Scroll nedover

A non-violent childhood

The UN Convention on the Rights of the Child states that all children are entitled to a safe home.

Physical violence

Any physical contact that is painful or prevents movement.

Psychological violence

Words, body language or using the voice to offend, threaten or control another person.

Indirect violence

Violence against people, children or adults, who are in close relation to the child.

Sexual abuse and violence

All forms of sexualised actions, such as being pressured, forced or threatened to do something against one’s will.

The consequences of violence

Experiencing violence can result in physical and psychological harm and emotional/mental disorders –and the effects can be long-lasting.

The consequences of violence

Experiencing violence can result in physical and psychological harm and emotional/mental disorders –and the effects can be long-lasting.

Experiencing violence from or between parents can have serious consequences for a child. Domestic violence is harmful because the home is the child’s most important space for security and development. The attachment a child forms with his or her closest caregivers is of fundamental significance to the child’s development.

Children who are exposed to violence can develop difficulties in social relationships, sleeping problems, learning difficulties, and problems with aggression and anxiety.

Psychological violence can be just as harmful as physical violence.
Sensory impressions from witnessing violence can be just as harmful to a child’s health as being directly exposed to violence.
There is a clear connection between traumatic experiences in childhood and health problems as an adult– both mental and physical.
Growing up with family violence increases the chance of ending up in a violent relationship as an adult, either as the violator or the victim.
Violence in close relationships can be passed on through generations. We need to do what we can to break the hurtful cycle of violence as a means of raising children.

Raising a child

Children learn best through praise and encouragement, and this also promotes cooperation in the family.

Raising a child

Children learn best through praise and encouragement, and this also promotes cooperation in the family.

All parents know that children do not always behave as we want them to, and at times we may experience feelings of frustration and anger, as well as poor collaboration within the family. This can lead us into a hurtful cycle characterised by bickering and – in the worst case – physical or psychological violence. We can often get out of such a cycle with a few small changes in our behaviour.

An important guideline is to make it easy for the child.

Tell the child what to do: “Hang up your jacket, please.”
Do not tell the child what not to do: “Stop throwing your jacket on the floor!”
Do not use questions: “Can you hang up your jacket?”
Maintain eye contact with the child when you give him/her a message, to ensure that the message is perceived.
Give five times more praise than complaints! Children learn best through praise and encouragement.
Be specific when you give praise, so the child understands what he or she has done well: “Thank you for hanging up your jacket!”

Sometimes we need to set clear boundaries or send the message that something is not okay. It is easy to get angry or raise your voice in such situations, but to avoid them from escalating, or that the child misunderstands, it is important:

For the adult to know the rules
That the child is also familiar with the rules
That the adults practise the same rules
To speak in a friendly but firm tone

How to get help

Do you need someone to talk with or do you want information about how to get help?

Ut av den vonde sirkelen

en voldsfri barndom...

Escaping a hurtful cycle

A non-violent childhood

Physical violence

Psychological violence

Indirect violence

Sexual abuse and violence

The consequences of violence

Raising a child

How to get help